Conflict Teaches Lessons!

Are We Able to Forgive, Maybe Forget, and Move Forward?!

What do we want? What do we really want? Typically, we want a bonded relationship with family and friends that grows and moves forward with positive intent and energy. Reeling out of the constraints of conflict, we will garner more freedom to move forward by forgiving.

Songs have a great way of healing… have a listen.

Conflict is a way of life. Problems do make us stronger individually. In a relationship, getting through challenges and conflicts can be incredibly bonding. I can tell you that although at times it may not have looked like it, my mother and I were exceptionally close. There was nothing I wouldn’t have done for her. I know she was there for me when needed. The irony is that maybe through all our conflicts we proved to each other that we would always be there for each other.

In addition, I believe some of my mother-daughter conflicts were the universe’s way of preparing me to develop courage, the power to speak up, set boundaries and reframe my perspective. What better way of being challenged than by a loving mother who has the strength, wisdom and courage to deal with arguments? Rather than being angry and resentful, I can now choose to forgive and be thankful that our conflict developed my strong character.

Here is a great blog post about the power of arguing with your teen.

There were moments throughout my relationship with my mom, that when anger boiled, it took time to step back and find space. Forgiveness was exceptionally difficult to muster while I licked my hurt, yet, I can say both of us did eventually find ways to apologize, forgive, let go and move forward. We learned that we not only had to stop before going over the edge but the next step in our personal survival was to forgive.

The year before I retired, we decided we wanted to move out west. We spoke to my mom and suggested that she come with us. Her response was, “I’m not living with you!” I explained that we could be living in separate places. It would be a new beginning in a temperate climate. She declined with “Thanks but you have to do what you need to do and I need to do what I have to do.”

She was determined to stay in her house and was firm that she absolutely would not move to a retirement home. We respected each other’s decisions. After a lifetime of arguing, we accepted each other and moved forward in peace, a twist on the story where many families sustain peace for years only to experience conflict over senior care as their parents grow older.

I promised to call her throughout the week and visit with her every few months for a couple of weeks at a time. At that time I chuckled thinking now that I was across Canada our relationship might be better and stronger than ever. I visited a couple of months after moving out. We had the best visit! That is until I had to leave, then sadly tensions seemed to rise. Just over two months later my mom suddenly passed away in her home from a heart attack. Her wishes to remain in her home until passing was realized.

My mom did her best. I tried my hardest to be a loving and dutiful daughter. Sometimes I’ve asked myself would I choose her to be my mom again? I can say with peace, acceptance, love and forgiveness, absolutely yes!

Dig Deeper

Reach… The power of forgiveness:

Another article seeing the benefits of arguing with teens:

One of my favourite books: