Did You Know “There’s No Place Like Home!”?

This was the mantra that my son repeated when faced with a difficult hurtful situation that he was trying to forget and refocus on looking to the future. He told me that it would have been very easy for him to stay stuck in the past and ruminate on analyzing what went wrong, or wallowing in self pity. He said, “The Wizard of Oz statement, There’s no place like home came to my mind and you know what I just kept repeating it and it kept me focused and optimistic.”

That reminded me of a great parenting lesson I learned when he was small. At the time he was in grade four class of over 31 children with a brand new teacher, struggling with classroom management. One student in particular exhibited extreme challenging behaviour and was able to command ‘subversive’ leadership in the class with a number of other boys, our son being one of the followers. These rascals were creating a commotion in the room and a few of us parents were called in to have a chat. The question was what can we do at home to support the school? What additional disciplinary actions were needed. Of course we pledged our support for the school’s decisions of having time outs. If I remember correctly I think we used some threats of no computer time or withholding other ‘treats or privileges’. Shortly there after I reflected on how it seemed like we were in a bit of a tale spin with our son in negativity. It seemed that the basis of our relationship and discipline was negative. I began to think to myself we keep doing the same thing and there is marginal improvement.

Then it dawned on me, like I was hit with a cold bucket of ice water: Home is suppose to be the safe place where our son comes home to get away from school and have a fresh start to his day or a reprieve from the tensions at school. We want to maintain a communicative and positive relationship. How are we going to do this if when he arrives home he is faced with tension, stress and only hearing what is wrong. Do we not get the benefit of escaping work to return to the warmth, love, support and safety of our home when we have a bad day? That is when I thought we needed to rethink how we supported the school and teacher while still offering the break and rest time for our son. This epiphany carried over to how I as a teacher handled difficult students and communicated with their parents.  I always say to parents remember home is a safe, secure and loving. The child has natural consequences at school for the ineffective choices. Yes, it important the the child knows that the parent is aware of what is happening and coach them along but most importantly they need to know that although the parent doesn’t approve of their behaviour, the parent loves them all the same. Home is a place to reflect, rest and rest up for a new day and fresh start.

How did we as parents support the school? We didn’t ignore the behaviour but instead of threatening, punishing, criticizing, withdrawing treats and privileges we spent more time chatting about the dynamics in the class and with his friends and conversing on his strategies on not following the crowd. We spent more time on celebrating effective choices. Slowly but surely the negativity started to subside.

Now years later, and after my son reflecting on his mantra from The Wizard of Oz, I am reminded of one of the great spiritual mystics of our time, Carolyn Myss. If you have the time to delve into listening to any of her workshop or lectures, or reading any of her books, they are incredibly inspiring and though provoking. She speaks of archetypes and the power of metaphor. Originally she was a hands on healer but then refocused on teaching and empowering people to heal themselves. She is on a mission bring metaphysical awareness to the forefront, by encouraging people to dig deep theologically and realize that the power to heal is within each of us.

Dazzle’s Challenge:

Quick Take Away Links:

Did You Know “There’s No Place Like Home!”?

This was the mantra that my son repeated when faced with a difficult hurtful situation that he was trying to forget and refocus on looking to the future. He told me that it would have been very easy for him to stay stuck in the past and ruminate on analyzing what went wrong, or wallowing in self pity. He said, “The Wizard of Oz statement, There’s no place like home came to my mind and you know what I just kept repeating it and it kept me focused and optimistic.”

That reminded me of a great parenting lesson I learned when he was small. At the time he was in grade four class of over 31 children with a brand new teacher, struggling with classroom management. One student in particular exhibited extreme challenging behaviour and was able to command ‘subversive’ leadership in the class with a number of other boys, our son being one of the followers. These rascals were creating a commotion in the room and a few of us parents were called in to have a chat. The question was what can we do at home to support the school? What additional disciplinary actions were needed. Of course we pledged our support for the school’s decisions of having time outs. If I remember correctly I think we used some threats of no computer time or withholding other ‘treats or privileges’. Shortly there after I reflected on how it seemed like we were in a bit of a tale spin with our son in negativity. It seemed that the basis of our relationship and discipline was negative. I began to think to myself we keep doing the same thing and there is marginal improvement.

Then it dawned on me, like I was hit with a cold bucket of ice water: Home is suppose to be the safe place where our son comes home to get away from school and have a fresh start to his day or a reprieve from the tensions at school. We want to maintain a communicative and positive relationship. How are we going to do this if when he arrives home he is faced with tension, stress and only hearing what is wrong. Do we not get the benefit of escaping work to return to the warmth, love, support and safety of our home when we have a bad day? That is when I thought we needed to rethink how we supported the school and teacher while still offering the break and rest time for our son. This epiphany carried over to how I as a teacher handled difficult students and communicated with their parents.  I always say to parents remember home is a safe, secure and loving. The child has natural consequences at school for the ineffective choices. Yes, it important the the child knows that the parent is aware of what is happening and coach them along but most importantly they need to know that although the parent doesn’t approve of their behaviour, the parent loves them all the same. Home is a place to reflect, rest and rest up for a new day and fresh start.

How did we as parents support the school? We didn’t ignore the behaviour but instead of threatening, punishing, criticizing, withdrawing treats and privileges we spent more time chatting about the dynamics in the class and with his friends and conversing on his strategies on not following the crowd. We spent more time on celebrating effective choices. Slowly but surely the negativity started to subside.

Now years later, and after my son reflecting on his mantra from The Wizard of Oz, I am reminded of one of the great spiritual mystics of our time, Carolyn Myss. If you have the time to delve into listening to any of her workshop or lectures, or reading any of her books, they are incredibly inspiring and though provoking. She speaks of archetypes and the power of metaphor. Originally she was a hands on healer but then refocused on teaching and empowering people to heal themselves. She is on a mission bring metaphysical awareness to the forefront, by encouraging people to dig deep theologically and realize that the power to heal is within each of us.

Dazzle’s Challenge:

Quick Take Away Links:

There's No Place Like Home